Discover, Dear Children!

You will learn things about your parents, new things even, all of their life and then for all of your life.  You'll learn things that you thought you knew, things you thought that they thought.  You learn them, and some will surprise you, most will change your perspective, but none of it will change who they are and who they have always been.  It is the depth that comes from discovery.  They are the same, you merely discovered more and that changes you.

How much more then is there to learn about the Creator of the Universe, The Eternal, the giver of Adam and Atom.  Don't stop, sweet children!  Don't ever believe that you have reached the depths of who our Savior is.  You can know his Love, you can Trust his character, but never stop exploring his wonder.  
2 + 3 will always equal 5, but who knows the end of Pi?

Remember his Love, how personal and close it is, But revere his immensity.  And when you think you've got it all figured out, read JOB 38.

In All Directions.

We've been looking at the sky for a long time,
You and I and mankind.

Can't seem to find the end of it.

We've been going about in boats for a long time,

Place to place, stream to stream, continent to continent.
We've also been looking into that water.

We look.
We look at everything.
We're pretty good at it, pretty clever, we've seen some things.

But we really haven't seen it all.

We've been looking into microscopes for a bit now.

We keep making them more powerful, like our telescopes.

One in, one out,
Both ends of insight keep stretching.

The further we look, the more we discover.

In all directions.

We've been looking at god for quite a while.

What are we looking for?

Do we hope to have a succinct picture of infinity?

What tools do we have to look for, or look at god?

No Ninas, no Pintas, no Hubbles, no CERN for this discernment.

We've been looking at our own hearts, probably not long enough.

It's dark in there and hard to figure out what's going on.  

No compass, No charts, No predictable behaviors.

But we look.

We keep looking.

Whatever made up the sky and the ocean and the quarks made up our hearts.

Whatever gave us the capacity to hear and see and feel also gave us the desire to use those tools.

To look.

We were in wonder when we find the New World and the indivisible Atom.  

But the search didn't stop.

Someday we will find the end of the sky.

The bottom of the ocean.

The finest particle.

The solution to our own hearts.

But we will never know the end of God or his love for us.

Isaiah 40

Study.

I am studying again after many years out of school.  The subject matter is dense and tedious at times.  Often while reading I find myself saying a little prayer, "Lord help me, keep me focused, help me retain this."  It's comforting and settling.  We'll see, yet, if it is effective.  Maturity in my prayer life has snuck up on me.  This sort of prayer hasn't always been around for me, this is a pro-active and sustaining prayer.  Most of my life I have relied on desperation prayers.  Prayers that started out with, "God if you are real, then..."  I suppose this comes with age and experience and maturity.  But it also comes with understanding who Jesus is and getting a taste of what his love is like.  20 years ago, if I prayed at all, I would have never prayed for something so tedious as retaining knowledge, or help in the midst of a difficult conversation, or with my own bipolar mood swings.  But 20 years ago, I was the king and I was not interested in relinquishing my throne for anyone, including the Creator of the Universe.  Well, until I was desperate.  Then it was "God, if you are real, then..."  Since then, God has proven himself real and greater than I could have ever dreamed or understood.  Gentle, patient but consistent and firm.  A steady voice teaching me who he is and therefore who I am through his will, while teaching me how to surrender my own.  I have made a decision to forge a new path.  I hope that decision was in his will.  Our family has been prayerful and (hopefully) obedient in how we go about things.  So now as I study, resting in his will, I can calmly ask for his help.  And it's not about getting a good grade or a good job it's about the wholeness of surrendering everything to him: fears, insecurities, strengths and strongholds.  It's about saying Jesus I need you.  I need you for my sick child, the restoration of my relationships and also to get through traffic and to yes, help me with this test.  So as I prepare for my exam next week and my new life ahead, I can take comfort in knowing that I have surrendered to him and let his will be done.  I've put in the work and therefore I won't have to be cramming the night before in studying and in prayer saying, "God, if you are real, then..."