Thoughts...

Equalizer.

We were a little late to the Enneagram Party.  If you don't know, Enneagram is a personality test that is really popular in Christian Communities.  Over the years I have done many personality tests: Myers-Briggs, Birkman, DISC, other random work related tests.  I enjoy it.  I'm pretty curious and pretty good at figuring out patterns and seeing how people operate.  If I find something to be useful, I'll usually dig in and try to get everyone I know to do the test so I can make wild assumptions based on a little bit of information.  Some folks are eager to participate and some cannot see the value in these types of things...even if they are accurate.  Maybe especially if they are accurate.  What I have realized about myself, is that I am always in search of the one thing that will help me figure everything else out.  I'm looking for my emotional Rosetta Stone.  The piece of information that will unlock understanding between individuals and help us all to relate and finally "get" why we do the things we do.  I'm looking for a light switch, one connection to rule them all.  None of these tests or any piece of wisdom gathered can give us that full picture.  At best, each of these switches is like a gliding lever on a Hi-Fi Stereo system.  The Enneagram gives insight and may help me figure out one or two levers, but it will never give me the whole picture.  Folks are never as simple as one switch, although it may only take one switch to set someone off.  Our motivators, inspirations, dreams, work identities, sexual identities, family dynamics are but a few levers in our operating systems.  I tend to know believe I know how the whole sound board works just because I've figured out a few levers.


Botanical.

One really glorious illustration of the covenant between God and Man can be found in a Botanical Garden.  We happen to live right next to a good one here in St. Louis.  One of the ways in which we bare the image of God is in our desire and ability to create.  We take the enormity, the power and beauty of the ultimate creation, the wildness and subdue it and give it new beauty.  It is such a delicate partnership because of course God's creation needs no assistance in being beautiful.  But we do anyway.  We arrange and prune and nurture to give new purpose and new meaning to what God freely gives.  It is the very essence of worship, to take what God has given and give it back to him and to all to enjoy.  I hope that it pleases him. 


Praise.

Inauthentic praise is one of my biggest pet peeves.  If you were to give me a generic meaningless compliment, I would hate it worse than being insulted.  An insult I can believe!  An insult I can trust.  I have issues.  As a result, I am reluctant to give out praise.  I'm getting better, but with my children, I don't want them to question whether I mean it or not.  I want my words of praise to have weight and meaning.  But what I am being taught is that my issues are not their issues.  While I worry about the authenticity of the words I speak, some people are appreciative that you thought to speak the words at all.  My youngest especially lights up when someone chooses to say kind words.  She trusts.  It is less about the actual words that have been given to her, but the action of speaking kindness is what moves her.  I have a lot to learn.


Promise.

I heard a story on NPR recently about Weddings.  As a part of the story they were playing clips of people's wedding vows.  "I promise to Love you forever."  Wow!  What a promise.  I have been trying to wrap my head around what that actually means.  How do you promise to Love someone forever?  It's common enough.  It might have even been a part of my own vows.  But what does it mean?  Is it the feeling of Love?  Is it the act of Love?  What is Love and how can you promise or will yourself to do it?  You can't can you?  The real meat of wedding vows are in the For Better For Worse, segment.  There should be more time spent fleshing that out.  That is where a marriage is made.  Love will happen, Love will persists because of your choices and commitment and sacrifice...not because you will it to be so.  You don't have that kind of will...at least not for the length of time a marriage is suppose to laugh.

I want to take a shot at a new kind of vow: 
"Dear Wife:  There will be times when you slight me and I don't even know it, but I'll resent you none-the-less.  I promise to be diligent about looking at why that is happening and communicate it to you.  I promise to communicate it to you even when I know it may make things worse.  I'm in this and I'm willing to wade through the mess that will inevitable happen when we really commit ourselves to each other.  Our past, the errors of our parents and loved ones, our own messed up chemicals and wiring will reek havoc on us.  But I forgive you in advance.  I pray that you can forgive me for the unseen pain I will cause.  My hope is in the Lord.  That in this and through this he will make something beautiful.  As we get closer to him, we will be bound closer to one another.  As time goes on, I trust that all the ugliness will become a part of our story and as Two Become One a great light will shine out of that and give hope and stability not only to our family, but to everyone around us.  The reasons I Love you now may or may not be the reasons that our Marriage survives and thrives, but I am so excited to become someone new with you, and with your help, to become a better version of myself.  Today, the feelings and the romance and the genuine hope of our Love can carry us until we become strong enough to carry the weight of a meaningful union as partners in Love."