Crescendo

I am not my own.  The maker of all things, made me.  My bones have a purpose, my liver and my heart are all meant for a purpose.  My skin houses all of these things, each existing for their own simple purpose.  Simple is the wrong word, the connections and the workings are incredibly complex.  Just think of the circulatory system taking blood to every crevice within you.  Think of the eye or the ear.    Whether you believe in a creator or the unguided Time + Chance model, you must marvel at what is the human body.  What about consciousness. What about the soul?  I can't see the structure of my soul, but I believe that I have one.  The soul precedes the body.  

“Never tell a child,” said George Macdonald, ‘you have a soul. Teach him, you are a soul; you have a body.’  

Recently, I have been think of my soul and it's purpose and capacity. Unlike my body, which has been constructed in an observable process, and it now showing the signs of decay, my soul is eternal. It will exist (in a new body) forever, somewhere.  Since my soul lacks the clear structure of our physical body, I imagine it in different ways.  I like to think of it as a great cathedral or cavern that exists within me.  This cathedral is meant as a dwelling place of the most high God.  But for many years I used the space for my own purposes.  I built shabby little structures that clogged up the interior, wrecking the resonance and acoustics.  I flooded the space with unholy things through my eyes and ears.  I crowded it with so much junk that this soul lost its purpose and lost it's capacity to house Christ within me.  Even though the space within our soul was built by God, for God, he does not force himself on us.  This is free will.  He surely calls to us, prods us and overwhelms us, but occupation within us is by invitation only.  We must ask him, invite him in.  If and when we do, the changes we expected him to bring about are small in comparison to what he will do.  He will begin to strip away everything that does not belong there.  He will make the space as it was intended and we will begin to find our true purpose.  We will hope for the first time in something worth hoping for.  

1 Corinthians 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

The space, my cathedral is more clear and cleaner than ever, but I am constantly bringing in junk.  He is mercifully re-directing me on what stays and what must go.  There are moments when the cathedral is pristine.  In those moments, when I hear the Gospel, or see it play out in someone's life or read stories of sacrifice that mimic the story of Christ it enters into the cavernous spaces and bounces and echoes and reverberates and crescendos gaining enormous power in the perfect acoustics of God's will for my life.  It it is in those sweet and powerful moments that I see God's will for me and I actually have the ability to act on it.  The Gospel, the Good News of Jesus Christ enters me and pours right back out into a world that desperately needs it.

Galatians 20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God,who loved me and gave himself for me.

The Interview.

The following is the result of an interview for my daughter Emma.  She is working on a Multigenre story telling project for school.

"Hi dad. I love you. You'll like this: I'm doing a project in which basically the only requirement is that it tells a story, and I've chosen to tell the story of my faith. Here's the plan I made for it so you can get a sense of what's going on.​

Inspiration:

I was actually inspired by reading “Young Goodman Brown.” I hate the thought of blindly following anything, let alone the thing I say is the most important in my life. I realized that I have to test it (my faith). I had been thinking about that for a long time, especially since starting high school. I have really had some issues with anxiety and not trusting God, which is why it’s such a struggle for me to remember that I have to make that choice to live for him every single day.

I gotta do an interview so can you pretty plz answer these questions?"

How should Christians strengthen one another?  

The beauty of the Christian Faith lies in the person of Jesus.  All situations and all circumstances can be and should be filtered through him.  It is the simplicity that makes our faith applicable and practical and powerful.  It does not, however, make it easy.  Romans 12 gives us some clarity and perspective.  Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

Before we ask How, we should know why?  Why should Christians strengthen one another?  One important reason is because the road is hard for a Christian, being in the World but not of the world.  Another reason is for our own growth, to model sacrifice and dependency on others is to learn how to surrender.  By learning how to both strengthen and depend on fellow Christian's we learn that we must trust God, it's really the only way.

1 John 3

  6 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 18 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

We should always have our eyes on the prize.   Why are we Christians?  What have we been saved from and saved to?  If we know the answers to that, then we know the answers to Why.  Strengthening each other without purpose and without the power of Christ is eventually draining and counterproductive.  It is and should always be about him.  

How should Christians strengthen one another?  Proximity, community, availability.  If you are with others, seeking Christ, then his work in our collective hearts will do the work.  In marriage, in community and in relationship, we are to point each other always to Jesus.  If we are obedient to his will and able to sacrifice our own desires and needs we will find our purpose and find our strength.  But no matter the good intentions or good deeds, if we act without a fierce obedience to Christ and his spirit at work inside of us then we will eventually collapse under the weight of duty and obligation.  Be close, Be available, Always re-direct to the person of Christ with gentleness and respect.  

Acts 2

42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

When there are people in your life who do not agree with you, what do you have to gain from them? What can they gain from you? 

What a great question.  It is the right question.  As a Christian, sometimes the hardest impulse to resist is the one to seal ourselves off from the world.  Not just in Christianity, but for all people we seek to gather around us: people that look like us, think like us, and affirm us.  Looking in a mirror will only give you a two dimensional view of yourself.  If we want the fullness of a 3 dimensional view, we must invite other viewpoints.  There are people around us from drastically different backgrounds that view the world differently because of those backgrounds.  The heart of compassion, the heart of Christ is to try to understand how and why people feel the way they do.  In doing so we get a fuller view of ourselves and our place in the world at large and we also can see how the Gospel can reach all people, regardless of our different background.  For me, establishing a firm foundation in belief in Christ has allowed me to truly engage people, their different beliefs and worldviews with complete freedom.  Because I have a firm, yet not blind belief, I have the security of really listening to their ideas and points of view.  Before Christ, I spent a lot of time constructing my own sort of religious system, built from ideas that were comfortable to me and I could easily put into place.  I borrowed from Jesus, Buddha and Bono.  I excluded ideas from each of those that didn't fit into what I wanted.  This should have been the most open-minded growth filled time of my life, but I was actually completely burdened by trying to make sense of the world without anything to be grounded to.  It made me scattered and not a very good listener because my head and heart were in constant flux.  Being clever was more important than being coherent.  The idea that everyone has their own "Truth" is nice on the surface and it seems like the most tolerant of all approaches.  However, this is like each of us growing in our own terrarium.  Pretty and organized, but not very deep and never to be challenged by the outside reality.  

When people do not agree with me it gives me the opportunity to consider that I may be looking at the world from a narrow point of view.  Since Christ is the one who changes people, it is not up to me to force others to bend to my point of view.  Our role is to deliver the good news that there is a Savior, who came for us, died for us and overcame death to bring victory.  There are a 1000 different ways to express that or live it out silently, but we must do it with sincerity, humility, gentleness and yet still be bold.  We must also be willing to put in the time with conflicting views around us and not just drop Gospel grenades on people and leave the scene.  

John 17 “I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. 14 I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. 15 My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. 17 Sanctify them by[d] the truth; your word is truth. 18 As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. 19 For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

Jesus Prays for All Believers

20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 

What do you do when you are doubting?

Matthew 17 "After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. 2 There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. 3 Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus.

4 Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.”

The story of Transfiguration is multi-layered.  A subtle part of it is about doubt.  Peter, who would later deny Christ, see's the transfigured Jesus and says, "Let's set up shop here boys."  He doesn't want to come down from the mountain...who would?  And therein lies the rub.  The world is a broken place, not as God intended and while we have moments of pure belief on the mountain top, we have to spend most of our time in the broken world.  And that broken-ness in the contrast to what our hearts long for causes us to despair and doubt.  However, Doubt is not the enemy of Faith.  Doubt is the training partner of Faith.  To try to live your life without acknowledging doubt is to live as a fool.  It would be like trying to ignore the evidence of heat because you don't want to get burned.  It is the evidence of heat that keeps you from getting burned.  Faith and Doubt is a complicated relationship for sure.  When doubt arises, I take it as a heat warning.  I must assess what is happening, Why am I doubting something I previously held as true? 

My reaction to doubt is to take inventory of what I know to be true.  I must be willing to lay open my Faith to do this.  What do I observe?  What does my heart feel?  What do I know about the universe?  Most of the time I try to make myself small.  It is comforting for me.  I ponder the shear size of the known universe.  Then I start to dig into things like Math and Language and Beauty.    Math wasn't invented by man.  Math exists, order exists, we simply discovered it.  The same may be said for Language.  Love, love is the same, not an invention, a reality.  You can argue that it is merely chemical and evolutionary, but that doesn't dismiss the impact of Love on the world.  There is a longing, not just to survive, but to thrive and discover.    Why is it that the heart of man has an expectation for Justice and Mercy and Love and Perfection and Salvation and Order, even though this world seems unable to achieve any of it.  Doesn't that longing point to something greater, something outside of our existence? From there I begin to drill down.  What is the evidence in my life?  What is the story of my own salvation?  What is the most coherent explanation of how all of this will be resolved?  Did I surrender to Jesus as a coping mechanism?  I think that is why How Great Thou Art is my favorite song.  "Oh Lord my God, When I in Awesome wonder, consider all the worlds thy hand hath made."

Specifically in regards to the Christian faith, Jesus is the only one who has come to us and that makes a huge difference, because in every other worldview, it is the role of the individual to earn salvation and restoration.  Grace is the difference maker.

I usually refer to Psalm 77 for guidance.  

It's important to acknowledge that none of us make any decision based solely on emotion or solely on logic.  It is the nature of human discovery to take all of our senses into account, it is the same with car buying, career choice and faith.

Do you think there is a take-away from our whole moving and Kansas City thing? Trust in Jesus, not your own abilities or own efforts.  Blessing is in he himself, not what he has provided.  What is better, to be given great fortune, to be healed of sickness or to be forgiven?  Well, we have already been forgiven, so what is there to fear?  Jesus blesses because that is who he is, not because of our efforts or goodness or obedience.  Being near to him is the only blessing that matters and that can happen in any circumstance, be it triumph or catastrophe.

The Love of God is greater far than tongue or pen could ever tell. Knowing that I can never ever write or tell it all, what should be my goal with this project? In life?

Here it is, ready:

Matthew 2816 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Easy right?  It's pretty clear what Jesus wants us to do, in the very small interactions, to our work and in our relationships: Make disciples, tell the world the good news that Jesus Saves.  Exploring your faith is a way of putting it on display.  Remind yourself every so often, when you are working on a project like this, when you are serving others, when you are applying for colleges, when you are braiding your sister's hair, when you are worshiping God that you are doing these things for the glory of God.  So simple.  So hard.  Anything we do, and I mean anything, should be in line with our belief that God is coming back to redeem his creation and we have a role in that.  That God SO loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

Wanna add anything else?

When I was your age, I was very angry with my mother and father going back to their divorce and my own isolation.  I was a sensitive boy and had a very deep sense of my own sin which I began to internalize as worthlessness.  I didn't understand who Jesus was, therefore the recognition of my own sin, which should have led to repentance, led to despair...and anger.

Anyway, I sought to expose my Father's faith as a fraud and I sited all the machinations of religion and the church and all the corruption of the world as proof that he was a fool.  More than anything, I just wanted to hurt him like I was hurting.  What I remember about his response and what I have carried into my own faith is to "Seek the Truth."  His belief, that in all the doubt, if I and if we really sought the truth (sincerely), we would find Christ there, being the answer for all things.

I am excited about this project.  Also a little nervous.  But your faith is your own, and it needs to be explored.  Carry this with you..."Seek the Truth".

I love you!  Thanks for including me.

Wives, Submit!

"Hey Wives, Respect.  Respect is something that a man just needs to be given." -Approximate quote from Sunday's sermon.  I felt my older daughters, 16 and 12 clinch and cringe.  I cringed at their cringing.  I was a pretty sensitive guy to begin with, but having 4 sisters and now raising 3 daughters has only sharpened that sensitivity.  Without even realizing it, the pastor was slighting the female position with this comment, suggesting that men "just need" that respect to function as the headship.  That may even be true, but really who doesn't need or crave respect?  Respect is a recognition of the inherent dignity in God's creation.  When I asked my oldest about the comment later, she said in a mocking voice "Oh no, I'm a man and I'm not getting respected."  It's a delicate matter.  I believe in the Bible's view of Male headship in marriage, family and church.  But I also believe it is my responsibility to raise strong, Christ Loving leaders.  Men and woman have clear differences and many stereotypes hold true, even when we don't want them to.  However, I think the church and it's leaders need to do some more work on the idea of male headship and the complimentary nature of marriage, mining out what is true and what is preference.

My wife and I have fairly traditional roles as a married couple.  She is a nurse by trade, but as soon as we could we did what we could to have her stay home with the kids while I worked.  We did so based on each of our needs and desires.  I'm really not that traditional of a guy, but I do like to work and I do feel a traditional need to provide for and protect my family.  My wife has always wanted to be a mother.  It is very natural, considering that she grew and carried these people insider her that she would want to be there to watch over their continued growth and protection.  Over 20 years, sometimes intentional but mostly by adjustment, we have learned to compliment each other.  I have the nominal Headship of the family, but that has come about as a discovery of each of our needs.  I wasn't very good at leading my family for a long time.  That's because I didn't really know what it meant.  My wife very much wanted me to lead, but she didn't know what that really meant either.  If we are to follow Christ's example, then we see that leadership means service and sacrifice.  And I can only serve my wife and family if I know what their needs are.  That service is going to look different in different relationships.  Different couples have different needs and a complimentary relationship is going to take different forms based on the needs and strengths of the wife and husband.  I say all of that to say that my children have grown up in a pretty traditional household, but it is a household that doesn't put a greater value on any role, whether it be provider, protector, care-taker, educator, counselor, or discipline-giver.

The church rightly acknowledges Male-Headship in the marriage covenant, but then makes the mistake of assigning certain needs or deference's to be given to the man because of that.  Headship and Leadership is a role, a much needed role.  Just as care-taking and household management are needed.  The determining of these roles is something that both the husband and wife must agree on and then both submit.  Each of us has needs for respect and security.  A pastor might say, "Husbands, your wives need security."  This is true, but much like the issue of respect, who doesn't crave security?  If we view this marriage covenant as complimentary, then we can go about figuring out each others needs and strengths and providing a space where each of us is getting closer to the best version of ourselves, the version Christ intended for us.

  Roles are important though.  I was recently having a conversation with my boss and we were talking about the effects of authority on communication.  Specifically we were discussing how someone might change how they communicate based on the authority figure involved.  He said, "You don't view me as an authority over you, do you, we work together, right?"   It was an interesting comment, because he is very comfortable being in charge, but he does so for the benefit of others.  He truly wants everyone to win, therefore it is difficult for him to see how his authority might effect others behavior towards him.  In the moment I realized that not only do I view him as an authority over me, but I want that authority over me.  I need him to be the boss.  In a similar way, the people that work for me need me to be the boss in order to perform their roles.  On a fundamental level, I don't value him more than any other person in the workplace.  But we have, in a sense, agreed upon these roles and it is important that we submit to each other in these roles for things to work properly.  I spend almost all of my time serving others in my job: the people I work for, the people that work for me and the customers we serve and yet, it is clear what I will be held responsible for is greater than what they will be held responsible for.  In 2015, the role of a man and women as provider, protector, care-taker, educator, counselor, or discipline-giver is very different than when Paul wrote in Ephesians.  However the idea that man and woman should compliment each other remains.  If I may be so bold as to suggest that the idea that the man should be held accountable for his flock remains and that Church leaders will be held accountable for their flock remains.  This doesn't give the male special privileges and it doesn't let females off the hook either, it simply points to an order that has been in place since Adam and Eve.

It is hard, especially in these times for a wife to submit to her husband.  But guess what, it is hard for any of us to submit to anything that tells us that we are not the gods of our own kingdom.  I don't know how to take a concept that has been so badly misused to suppress and control and take away those negative connotations.  All I can do is trust in Christ, who is restoring all things.  His ways are not my ways and I must trust in what I cannot see and cannot understand.  But I do so, affirming that he is the one that has granted ALL of us grace and value because he loves us and because we are made in his image.

We must know what each other need before we attempt to deliver.  Offering protection to someone that doesn't want it is an insult.  Submitting to someone who doesn't know how to lead is chaotic.  Expecting someone to be a nurturer when they can't stop picking fights is foolish.  This dance of husband and wife is a subtle one.  It takes a lifetime of gentle correction to get to a point where you both know the same dance.  We each come into a relationship with our own music and our own ideas of how we should dance.  Unity isn't about imposing your will, it is about letting your partner teach you how to be a better version of you.  Two people, dancing, is an agreement to try to dance the same dance.  Imagine if there were a trusted teacher with a greater knowledge of the dance and ourselves that were over-seeing our union.  Jesus Christ provides the music and the rhythm and encouragement and the reason to accomplish this unity.

Ephesians 5:22-33New International Version (NIV)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Exploring Doubt.

Once in a while, sometimes in joy and sometimes in suffering I come to this question: "Do I really believe?".  That is the essence of a question that takes on many forms.  Here are some others, "Is Faith a reasonable thing?"  "Have I fooled myself into believing out of Fear?  Comfort?  Laziness?"  It makes me wonder, did I really give unbelief a chance?

God Forgive me as I let my mind pursue that last question.  If I am going to pursue unbelief, that leaves me with two options (for the purpose of this exercise):  Seek alternate explanations for the questions that still remain OR Become truly agnostic, not knowing and not seeking.  I am a seeker by nature, so the latter will be difficult.  Being a seeker will be hard as well.  In my Christian walk I have still had the luxury to be open to all sorts of discovery.  As a Christian, Science is a critical vehicle for discovery and a way of understanding the wonders of God.  Theories like Evolution are not the enemy of Faith or the Bible.  Now, though, if I take a secular path I will lose a vast sphere of my intellectual options in making sense of the universe.  If the unexplainable cannot be explained, then they must be dismissed until they can be explained.  Their unpredictability eliminates them from the equation.  But that approach doesn't really address the question underneath the question in this search for answers.  The question underneath that problem is the problem of Faith itself.  Unbelief in God does not necessarily eliminate Faith.  Science is, at it's root, a search for order.  An expectation for order may be a little closer to Faith than it would first appear.  And it is that expectation for there to be order that introduces the element of Faith into the Science. Take Evolution as a concept and try to describe it or perhaps explain what we know about the beginning of the Universe and try to comprehend what 14 billion years means.  Though we have information and predictability there is still an element of Faith in presuming we know anything.  We have Faith in our own capacity to understand, even though these concepts should boggle our minds.  It's not only Faith in our own abilities but I am also putting Faith into the intellect and explanations of Darwin, Einstein, Hawking and so many other names that I don't even know by which I have been influenced.  Our minds seek order, and with a little information I can come up with rudimentary explanations. But with so much time involved and variables approaching infinity, only a fool could expect a unified comprehensible explanation of everything.  If we make it more personal, even the capacity to ask "What does it all mean?" presents a philosophical journey to which some devote their entire lives.  The point is that even if I were to cling on to some answers that were devoid of the mystical, mysterious and supernatural, we will still be left with the philosophical "Why?"  And like a child relentlessly asking questions you get, "And what came before that?" at the end of each explanation.  There is a certain point where every path becomes unknowable.  The elimination of doubt in any pursuit seems untenable.  And if you can't eliminate doubt, it would be hard to function without faith.

Suddenly, the Agnostic approach doesn't seem so bad.  Perhaps I can enjoy the Joys of this life just as they come or even endure the Pain without total despair, because in the end: none of us really knows anything.  What about Love though?  Do I chalk it up to a evolutionary chemical process?  Beauty?  Why would a sunset stir me so?  Death?  Can I really face my own immortality and shrug?  How can I stop my mind from pursuing these questions?  Because if I did chase any thought it would lead me to need an answer, be it secular or spiritual.  And why does my mind want to know?  Why do I seek to discover?

My own questioning makes me tired.  Perhaps belief in God is a surrender of sorts.  I have tired of my own pursuits and decided that everything that I cannot explain I will put under the category of God.  God is my coping mechanism.  Were that true and if I could really surrender to this coping God, I would still be disappointed.  In this model, nothing achieves real significance.  God is distant, neither comforting, nor rejoicing, nor punitive.  The lows never convict and the highs never redeem.  A distant God may keep the hard questions at bay, but it also keeps real joy and growth away.  God is personal and he has set forth the Universe that we may each discover him on this basis.  There is nothing more revolutionary than the concept of a personal God, a savior that not only addresses you by name, but one that will not leave you alone if you have called on his name.

 I was recently watching the Going Clear documentary about Scientology.  Those exposes get uncomfortable as people describe the mystical and miraculous with the same convincing tone and rationality that I myself use about my faith.  But the power of Faith is in the object of that Faith.  From Mormonism to Scientology to Christianity the stories are crazy.  At face value, I don't know how I could convince anyone that one was true and the rest were hogwash.  That is, if it weren't for the person of Jesus Christ.  Nothing compares.  Nothing compares to the completeness of his life and his story in Cosmic terms and in very personal terms.  In the documentary a man describes the difference between Faith and a Cult.  

"radical Islam, and other cults, the one common factor he found was that all these extreme faiths feature a “crushing sense of certainty.” He says they have no room for doubt, which means they have no room for questioning"

I haven't been very thorough or scientific in my approach to exploring this doubt, but I think it is important to make the attempt.  At least for me it is.  If I claim that Christ is who he says he is, The Truth, then my search for truth will always lead me to him.  I would like to think that is why in my seeking, I could not shake his presence.  It seems that trying to go without Jesus is like trying to go without air.  It's just not healthy.  The Gospel keeps creeping into every thought and conversation and I even see it in the dying leaves that will spring forth renewed once again.  I hear his name and my heart races.  Not out of fear, but out of excitement.  One day, his Kingdom will come.  I can't escape that thought anymore than I can escape knowing that in a few hours the earth will spin round to reveal the sun again.  I don't have proof, but I do have evidence, and that evidence has formed and informed belief.  Search for that evidence began in doubt.  Doubt is a big beautiful question mark etched in our DNA that bids us to seek out our maker, that we might know him....that we might be saved.


"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen not only because I see it but because by it I see everything else.” C.S. Lewis

We don't make life altering decisions in a vacuum.  None of us is truly and completely clinical or exclusively emotional, devoid of rationality.  We must all process all of our experiences in pain and deduction and beauty and joy and make certain conclusions using the best of our faculties.  We are all tarnished and warped and at times see things so clear and at others, so dim.  The miracle of all miracles is that Jesus seeks us where we are and how we are and uses all we are to retrieve us.  I don't understand it, that is just who he is.

Mercy and Conflict

It's strange, but I am realizing that there is mercy in conflict.  Over the last few years I have been learning about the beauty of restraint, the poetry of tethers, and the contentment in consequence.  It takes a while for this thought to take hold, that getting everything you want may not be what's best for you.  Under this umbrella of thinking it's possible to see the peace present in struggle. 

It's easy to get frustrated, even hopeless when we look at our lawmakers and neighbors engaged in endless conflict.  Is it possible that this gridlock may be for our own good.  Checks and balances were built into our Constitution so that no one branch of government would gain too much power.  The consequence is there is a struggle to get anything done.  The very struggle for one person or company or group to gain power over another is in it's self, limiting.  

The desire to get things done is a strong one.  In our hearts we think, "If everyone would just listen to me and do what I say, everything would be perfect."  But none is without wickedness, not none.  
When Obama was elected, I was in awe of the feeling.  I wasn't entirely in line with his politics but I remember watching election night being filled with hope.  I supposed I yearned for a righteous man that I knew I wasn't.  He could change everything.  Recently I was reminded of this by a Gwenyth Paltrow quote hinting at the same thing:

“I am one of your biggest fans, if not the biggest, and have been since the inception of your campaign,” Paltrow said. “It would be wonderful if we were able to give this man all of the power that he needs to pass the things that he needs to pass,” she added.

Even the most liberal parts of my heart cringe at the thought of one man having complete power.  In the conflict between the right and left is mercy.  There is brilliance in our awful system, checks and balances multiplied so that almost nothing gets done.  It's almost as if the chaos governs our passions, preventing one viewpoint, idea or worldview from dominating.  It was not as the founding fathers intended, but there is grace in our ineptitude.  

So there are a couple things happening here.  One is that we are actually better off when we don't get everything we ever wanted.  No one likes a spoiled brat. In a more serious thought, there are many times when a group or a country or many nations gave ultimate power to one man or one ruling class or those ruling powers took them.  The results have been catastrophic.  I only need to say one name, Hitler.  Yet the circumstances of Hitler's rise were born out of a despairing country's hope for something better, the hope for a righteous man to rule them, to bring them glory.  This is not a unrighteous hope.  This hope is the hope of all hopes.  This hope that burns in the hearts of men and women is the right hope.  More often than not though we put hope in the wrong person.  There is only one worthy of this hope, only one who saves, only one who redeems.  We ache for a hero and a savior, we settle for Obama or some other figure who falls well short.

I have ruled my own world and failed.  I have attempted to be the savior for others and I have failed.  I have yearned for oneness and the end to conflict and found that yearning unsatisfied if not even ridiculous.  Surrender to Christ is the only thing that makes sense, and he is the only one worthy of this hope that remains in us all.  Praise him.

Psalm 96

1 Sing to the Lord a new song;
    sing to the Lord, all the earth.
2 Sing to the Lord, praise his name;
    proclaim his salvation day after day.
3 Declare his glory among the nations,
    his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

4 For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
    he is to be feared above all gods.
5 For all the gods of the nations are idols,
    but the Lord made the heavens.
6 Splendor and majesty are before him;
    strength and glory are in his sanctuary.

7 Ascribe to the Lord, all you families of nations,
    ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.
8 Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name;
    bring an offering and come into his courts.
9 Worship the Lord in the splendor of his[a] holiness;
    tremble before him, all the earth.
10 Say among the nations, “The Lord reigns.”
    The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved;
    he will judge the peoples with equity.

¹¹ Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
    let the sea resound, and all that is in it.
¹² Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them;
    let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.
¹³ Let all creation rejoice before the Lord, for he comes,
    he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
    and the peoples in his faithfulness.