Lit.

We were meant to be lit from within.
Inside you there is something that yearns to burn.
You stoke your fire,
You choose your desire,
And your choice defines the quality of your light.

The dark of an evening can be enchanting,
But even the splendor of the starry night depends on light.
Total Light is Heaven.
Total Darkness is terror.
The Shadows sulk, unable to create.

So they distract.  So they destroy.

You, you soft speaking absence,
You, you quiet eroder,
You, you comforting corrupter,
You, you inflamer of a fire
That gives no light,
That gives no warmth,
That consumes good and produces ash.
And that ash layers upon itself.
Sediment over sediment of depravity.
Buried.
Inside, death.
Outside, the apparent stability of a useful structure.
After all, a tomb, washed white, still serves a purpose.

Jesus, don't let me fade.

Pouring out brightness upon the tombs pristine walls
Is not enough to pay the cost for the lost.
His spirit must decide,
His spirit must provide.
The ember remains,and his breath makes it glow.

Rise and Shine!

Racing to the high hill,
I burn with a new fire.
Fueled by the eternal,
My light will not die.
This is my purpose,
Not to make my own light
But to allow him to consume me,
All of me.
I choose to burn with the glory of the Creator,
The very light born at Creation.

A light on a hill,
Burning and Alive.
It is a Joy to tell of what Jesus has done for me.

Isaiah 60
“Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
2 See, darkness covers the earth
    and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you.
3 Nations will come to your light,
    and kings to the brightness of your dawn."

Perception.

"I wish that was my first thought..."  This was the response a young man had as I was talking with about the wonders of creation.

 I have a small group of young guys I meet with on a semi-regular basis.  All have worked for me and with me at some point.  Somewhere along the way they have responded to a few things I've said, maybe asked a few questions and generally let me speak into their lives.  They are young men in their early 20's just starting to figure things out.  It is probably my love for my precious nephews, all now in this age range, that made me want to connect with these young men and I owe a debt to my precious nephews for being ability to connect.  In addition, I live with 4 women and have 4 sisters, so I am depleted of testosterone and this allows me to recover some.  Also, my humor works well in this demographic.  For my part, this is a cherished opportunity to explain things that never got explained to me: to talk candidly about life and relationships and disappointment and fear and work.  They let me talk about important things, about what it looks like to be a man in this culture.  We laugh a lot.  Most importantly, they allow me to speak at length about what it means to be loved by and serve our Savior, Jesus Christ.  In a way, this is about me reaching out, not only to these boys, but trying to reason with a 22 year old, lost version of myself.  I am certain that this is more rewarding for me than it is for them, but also I recognize that they value my age and experience and a few of the things I have to offer.  Of the 6 of us, 3 are professed Christians, one is wrestling with what he cannot escape as the truth of Christ, and the other two are just peaking into this Jesus thing.  I classify the last 2 as seekers, intrigued by this new explanation of who Jesus really is.   They know somethings missing, but they aren't sure that Jesus is the answer.  It was one of these last two that had the response above.

On this particular day, it was this seeker and the three professors: one Catholic, two Protestants.  I began the session talking about the wonder of creation.  I expounded on the vastness of the universe and the miracle of life on Earth, of the unbelievable sequence of events that made it possible for life on Earth.  I described that if even a few things had gone in a different direction, life would not be possible.  From there I drilled down to talk about how Jesus is the center of it all, that he is the expression of this Vast and terrifying and marvelous God becoming personal.  If God is person, then he can be personal to you.  Three of us went on to talk about the redemption of our broken world through Christ and how beautiful it was.  After a while, this seeker, when we pressed him for response admitted in his humorous and dry confession, "I can't believe that is your first response (That God is good and is in control of everything) to the Universe."  What he was referring too (and I'm taking liberties here with what he actually expressed) is the fact that this universe I was describing, the incredible work of God that made me feel so special, actually made him feel so small.  We had completely different perspectives.  I thought I was laying out a proof of significance, yet to him it felt like just the opposite.  This has been a crushing realization for me and has haunted me all week.  It does no good to go on about the wonders of Gods love to someone who is not yet able to feel it.  This is no fault of my own abilities or deficiencies of the seeker.  It just is what it is.  As I reflect on this, I am remembering what it feels like to be on the outside looking in.  It is extraordinarily frustrating.  For me this outsider feeling was devastating.  As a child I watched men and women walk to the altar, in response to the pastor, at Church every week, being saved and accepting Jesus as their savior in dramatic fashion.  No matter how many times I went forward, I was never convinced of anything.  I did not have the reaction they did, I did not have a flash of light.  Instead of feeling saved, I felt unwanted.  God clearly did not choose me or I would have felt it, right?  This is an all too frequent story for people who are raised in the Church.  Somewhere along the way, our caretakers forgot to give us a real explanation of what it means to be saved and what it means to believe in Jesus Christ.

I wonder if this young man looks at me and thinks, "He was chosen by Jesus."  But instead of feeling encouraged by this truth, he feels discouraged and lonely.  He thinks, perhaps, that kind of love is not meant for him.  I don't have the answers for him.  I do remember that feeling though.  It was a feeling that fueled my own rebellion.  I could never be good enough for this God who doesn't want me, so I will do my best to self destruct and distrust those who love me the most.  It's been a long road back for me.  What I know now is that of course God loved me then and he loves me now and always, just like he loves these boys.  But we are using our own messed up relational skills to figure these things out.  The ability to love and feel love is a delicate thing.  Truthfully, this statement he made "I wish that was my first thought.", both scares me and excites me.  It scares me, because it is out of my control.  No amount of my good explanation or testimony can make the case for a Loving Savior.  That has to happen in a personal way between the seeker and his redeemer.  On the other hand, the seeds of faith are being sown.  "I wish that was my first thought..." speaks of a hunger.  It is a statement that points to truth.  He wants goodness and he wants to be a part of goodness, yet as he looks at himself and looks at the world he doesn't know how it is possible.  But for right now, the want of goodness is enough for Christ to go to work in this young man.  The ringing of truth in his soul, the reaction to injustice, the ache for Love is a call that will not go unanswered by Jesus.  That much I know.

My perspective now is that God is good and that all things make sense because of who he is, what he has done and what he has yet to do.  It is a truth that has been slowly revealed to me as I responded to the call of my soul.  I worked out my salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12) and Gods response has been to give me pieces as I am able to understand and receive them.  It doesn't happen in a ray of light, but it does happen in the light. Go! oh seeker, seek the light and seek the truth and your quest will not be in vain!

Ask, Seek, Knock

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.