At this point in my life, I have heard and read the story of Jesus' birth 100's or even 1000's of times. I have always had a reaction to hearing or reading the word of God. As a boy, though, most of the wonder and meaning in the Bible escaped me. Combined with lots of religious talk and endless sermons I was left both bored and blurred. However, the story of Jesus birth never lost it's ability to draw me in. Later, in my rebel years, and as I wandered from the God who loved me, I still had a reaction to the Bible. I would mock the word of God and profess a casual relationship with Jesus. "Jesus and I have a deal." I would say smartly and cynically. I could attack passages in Genesis, Deuteronomy and Ephesians. But I could not ever bring myself to attempt to undo the story or the words of Jesus. Lost as I was, I wasn't ready to give up everything.
The Bible is a living thing. It provokes reaction. Tonight at Christmas service, hearing that same story again, my heart swelled. Before I believed, my heart would bristle at the word of God in an attempt to assert my own desires over God's desires for me. Now when I hear the word of God my heart leaps at the sound of his voice. Because I believe God loves me and has saved me, I am eager to hear his voice and read his words. I never understood the Bible before, because I didn't understand who Jesus is. After church tonight my siblings and I got into an awkward discussion on doctrine. I struggled to find good words to explain why I believe what I believe. I was attempting to explain a church doctrine without talking first about the glorious redeeming savior that is Jesus. I failed because I started with a position and not Jesus. Doctrine only has relevance and context if we understand who Jesus is. I believe in Biblical truth because I believe Jesus was who he said he was. I didn't make a choice to live a certain way because he was a good teacher. No I have had the experience of a personal savior who rescued me and now that determines how I view everything. Jesus is the very lens through which I view the world. Doctrinally speaking, that leaves me having to trust in his word, even if I struggle with it. If he were only a teacher, I could pick and choose what is comfortable. But since he is my savior, I do not have that option...it's an all or nothing deal. That also puts a burden on me to study harder, engage and love others more and to pray fervently for his will over my own.
My family is so weird about religion and church related stuff, and I think I may be viewed now as the weirdest one. We clinch up around each other and stumble over simple expressions of faith. Most of us are guarded when these topics come up. We believe in Jesus, but it is in the realm of personal beliefs and practices that thinks get murky and awkward. There is a lovely civility though and while we aren't all quite on the same page, we do want to understand each other. I pray for a day when we can enter in to open discussions about the person of Jesus Christ and what real belief and surrender looks like in our lives. I pray that God grants me humility and a gracious tongue as we gather together. I pray for Community with my loved ones. I don't want to be the weird brother, but that horse may be well out of the barn. If that is the title, I hope it also means that I preached the good news of Jesus. Merry Christmas.
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